Late Night Stream Of Consciousness

What is loneliness? 


Is it sitting in on your couch with your iPhone and Netflix? Eating popcorn and refreshing social media?


Is it seeing couples hold hands and shamelessly caress each other in the middle of the sidewalk?


Is it seeing your friends posting on Instagram from their crazy night you weren't invited to? Or worse, running into them at the club after not answering your texts inviting them out. 


Is it the insecurity that no one wants to be around you? Or the insecurity that you don't want to be around you? 


Is there a cure for loneliness? And is hanging out with people you only sort of like and drowning yourself in alcohol that cure?


Is having casual sex the cure? Will a one night stand, or multiple ones, make us feel wanted? 


Is having a significant other the cure? Will having someone who wants to be around you 24/7, or at least 12/3, enough to cure loneliness?


Or must we cure the loneliness ourselves? Do we have to learn to love being in solitude with ourselves enough that loneliness isn't a thought at all...


Will I always feel a little outside of everyone else? Or do I just feel a little outside of myself? 


Do I love people because of how they make me feel or because of how they make me feel nothing? 


Am I actually looking for someone to share love with or looking for someone to be in love with me? 


Will I be able to love someone as much as my aspirations and goals?  


Am I the only one who feels this way? 


Is there someone like me, thinking like me, waiting for me, praying for me?


When do I get the answers and must I figure everything out on my own?


Is that the meaning of life? To answer all these questions? Existentially suffer? 


I'm not sure what the meaning of my life is (yet)...but I know it's more that solitude in my art and loneliness in my bed. 


People say things come to you when you stop searching, but how am I too see if I'm not looking?

I need a guide dog.